By Lisa K. Schkloven, LCSW-C 

Want to help your teen during this time of complex brain development and hormonal changes? Here are some suggestions:

1. Provide structure:
Teens need to have limits because they have difficulty putting on the brakes. Have regular and predictable curfew times and stick to them. When your teen is out, require that he/she check in with you at regular intervals. Give your child some household responsibilities along with a window of time by which these tasks need to be completed. Provide incentives to motivate your teen to complete tasks. Do not provide a privilege to your teen simply because he/she is “of the age” (such as driving a car at 16 years old). Privileges should be based more on level or responsibility than on chronological age.

2. Provide reminders:
Because teens are notorious about forgetting things that are not motivating to them or do not appear to have immediate rewards, they need reminders. What they don’t need is nagging, so be creative in your reminders. Put a memo board on your teen’s door and leave a message. Put a post-it note where your teen will see it. E-mail or IM your message to your teen.

3. Get Organized:
Just as teens need reminders, they also need help with organization. Make sure your teen has a planner in which to write assignments, tests, deadlines and other appointments. When faced with a complex or long term assignment, have your teen break the assignment down and develop several mini-deadlines by which she has to finish small parts of the assignment. By tackling a big project that way, your teen will not feel so overwhelmed, will find the task more manageable and will attain goals more quickly, thus motivating her to continue. Teach your teen not to wait to the last minute by stressing the negative impact it has on him personally, rather than some longer term notion of a high GPA or getting into college.

4. Provide support:
Acknowledge to your teen that you know he is going through a lot of things all at once and has a great deal on his plate. Let your child know you are there when she needs you. When your teen comes to you with a problem, ask him what he would like you to do, i.e. just listen without saying a word, listen and give feedback, help problem solve. Let your teen take the lead.

5. Teach your teen problem solving skills:
During periods of high emotional arousal, a teen’s ability to think clearly and rationally is compromised and a teen’s ability to think emotionally is heightened. Teach your teen problem solving skills that he or she can use now and in the future. Walk your teen through the following problem solving steps:

• Define the problem/issue.
• Brainstorm any/all possible solutions.
• Evaluate the solutions based on these criteria:
  Is this idea fair to everyone?
  Is this idea safe for everyone?
  How will I and others feel about this possible solution?
  Will this possible solution work?
• Based on the evaluation criteria, pick one solution and try it out.
• Save the other solutions in case they are needed.
• Once a solution has been tried, check to see that it is working.
• If it is working, congratulate your teen!
• If is not working, encourage your teen to try another solution.

Remember these points – when brainstorming solutions, don’t stop your teen just because she arrived at the solution of your choice. This is your teen’s problem and your teen needs to be allowed to solve it her own way. If you stop your teen too early, you deprive him or her of a valuable opportunity to learn that there may be more than one way to solve a problem.

6. Finally, love them and laugh with them!